can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
