My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
