So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
