Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
