I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
