Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
