I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
