he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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