He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
