yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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