there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
