he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
