I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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