Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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