called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
