The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
