I just made out with a guy for $7.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
