Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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