So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
