like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
