Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
