Sry I called you an 8
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
