thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just forgot I was standing up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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