I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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