I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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