this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
