her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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