well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
