the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
