i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
