Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
