I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
