I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
