Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
