I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
