u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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