You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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