We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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