You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
