I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
