you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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