I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
