It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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