this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
