I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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