can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
