butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
