My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
