Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
