i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
